


The Taste of Chalk

by Donts



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Depressed Merlin (Merlin), I think?, Overdose, Sleeping Pills, Suicide, i mean i didnt really specify anything so, no magic, suicidal Merlin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:48:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24209983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donts/pseuds/Donts
Summary: Merlin has swallowed two bottles of pills, and the taste of chalk is assaulting his tongue.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 49





	The Taste of Chalk

**Author's Note:**

> I was writing this and finished it and then my iPad decided to just delete it :')  
> I rewrote it but it isn't as good as the first one smh. I hate technology sometimes.
> 
> ~I am in no way trying to romanticize anything. Which is why I wrote the painful bits~

_Overdosing on pills is so romanticized._

Merlin thought as he gulped down a handful of sleeping pills. He popped open another bottle and consumed those pills too. They left a chalky taste in his mouth, even after washing them down with water.

Merlin sat on the cold tile of the bathroom floor, his legs sprawled out clumsily in front of him. His back pressed against the wall. In the media, suicide by pills is often depicted by the person drifting into sleep. That simply was not the case.

Merlin was shaking violently, whether that was from the pills or his mental state he was unsure. His head began to ache, throb actually. It felt as if someone has started to punch the inside of his skull. Merlin winced and scrunched his eyes closed. His breathing began to labor.

_This feels nothing like falling asleep. I feel like I've been hit by a truck. That goddamn chalky taste hasn't left either._

When he opened them again, his vision had blurred around the edges. Colors swam in his eyes. Red, green, blue, purple. His new vision gave him an immense amount of dizziness. Merlin could still taste chalk in his mouth. He gagged at the unnatural dry of his tongue.

Merlin moved to lay flat against the cold tiles. This did not help the dizziness, and in fact pushed pressure up against the back of his eyes. His consciousness lagged behind, as if his soul was barely tethered to his physical body. He felt the cold of the floor before seeing himself lay down. 

Even though Merlin lay still, he felt as if he was swaying. His lungs fought desperately to keep an inflow of air, heaving with every inhale. 

_So much for just drifting off._

Merlin would have laughed if he could've. Instead, he closed his eyes as they were far too heavy to keep open now. The ceiling was not a precious sight he would miss anyway.

The sound of the air conditioning started to fizzle out, Merlin's slow and heavy breaths becoming the only thing he could hear. Soon, even breathing became muffled to his ears. All his senses were beginning to dissipate, except for the wretched taste of chalk in his mouth.

Suddenly, the feeling of swaying stopped, and Merlin snapped into his body.

_Oh. I see now._

Merlin's body was heavy like cement, sinking into the cold floor. His ears picked up the sound of the last exhale of his lungs. The taste of chalk plagued Merlin Emrys no more.

**Author's Note:**

> What a lovely projection of my problems on a fictional character.
> 
> I got this idea when I realized I've always seen suicides as "and they drifted into an endless sleep" or smth like that. Overdosing isn't painless and I wanted to attempt to portray that. In my experience, I got horrible fucking migraines and dizziness when I od. Also, body feeling like cement is so accurate it resonates with my soul.
> 
> If you're worried, I haven't overdosed in about a month??? Idk, time is non-existent. 
> 
> ANYWAYS I have other Merlin fics if you're interested. <3
> 
> 🙏Comments and Kudos much appreciated💕


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